I'm starting to get into my fanfic again, but unfortunately a lot of my previous bookmarked sites have gone - very frustrating! I'm also now reminded why I always avoided fanfiction.net like the plague. I thought it may have improved...it hasn't. Fortunately my Professionals archive is still up and running. I just need to find a good CSI one and find out where all the Star Trek ones have gone to.

Gacked from others

You know how sometimes people on your friends list post about stuff going on in their lives, and all of a sudden you think "Wait a minute? Since when were they working THERE? Since when were they dating HIM/HER? Since when???" And then you wonder how you could have missed all that seemingly pretty standard information, but somehow you feel too ashamed to ask for clarification because it seems like info you should already know? It happens to all of us sometimes.

Please copy the topics below, erase my answers and put yours in their place, and then post it in your journal! Please elaborate on the questions that would benefit from elaboration. One-word answers seldom help anyone out.

1. First name: Amanda (definitely NOT Mandy!)

2. Age: 37. But I don't feel a day over 25!

3. Location: Crofton, Wakefield at the moment, although I'm actually originally from Boston Spa near Wetherby in Yorkshire.

4. Occupation: Staff nurse (for my sins). I've been qualified 15 years. Sometimes I love my job and sometimes I can't stand it, but at least it's never boring :)

5. Partner: Cory. I met him 7 years ago when I turned 30 and we've been married 3 years this September. He really is my SLOC (most of the time!)

6. Kids: Patrick, who is now 27 months old and is definitely developing his own personality.

7. Brothers/sisters: I have a younger brother John, who works relatively highish up in the Leeds PCT. Not entirely sure what he does - he keeps explaining but I'm still none the wiser afterwards.

8. Pets: None. Although I love dogs I can't give them the commitment that they need to be properly cared for.

9. List the 3-5 biggest things going on in your life:

1. Work - is incredibly stressful at the moment. Lots of backbiting and internal politics going on. The manager has changed recently and I'm not sure it's a change for the better. I'm currently trying my hardest to get out of the hospital setting and into the community.

2. Health - I've recently been diagnosed as hypothyroid which is starting to mean lots of visits to the doctor, bloods taken, etc. This is probably also the reason why I've been having problems conceiving after having Patrick.

3. Patrick - every day is different with him. Really trying to create some ground rules now as he's testing the boundaries quite a lot at the moment.

4. Christmas - trying to get all the presents and various other things bought before it gets too silly out by the shops.

10. Parents: my parents are ace. They've been together for 38 years and got married after a whirlwind romance. They've always been mostly supportive and they love and spoil Patrick to bits.

11. Who are some of your closest friends? I can count on one hand the number of really close friends I have, and two of them I haven't seen for over a year but we're constantly in touch by email or texts. My best friend is Joanne who I keep trying to convince to come onto LJ or Facebook, but she's a bit technophobe when it comes to these things.

I can't belive how long it's been since I've updated. I'll probably do a few different updates.

Main update is Cory has passed his driving test on the second time. After lots of looking around we have bought him a second hand car - Fiat Punto. The good thing is that I know don't have to chauffeur Cory around so much, and he can chaffeur me! Also, I have to admit that I'm glad he's not driving in the wintry conditions on a bike, I've never been totally happy about him doing that.

We've almost finished all the work at home. Just have to start paying it all off now!

Work's very up and down, at the moment I'm trying my hardest to get out of the hospital. I've come to the end of my tether with all the politics and mini-Hitlers that seem to be springing up all over the place. I'm trying for some practice nurse jobs, so far, unlucky but I will keep plodding on. It's a shame because sometimes I love my job, but I can't carry on as I'm doing. At the moment it is soul destroying.

After having several months with the luxury of Cory's bike working, it decided to break down last night on his way home from work. Apparently the engine's not working which meant him phoning the AA up to collect his bike. What this also means is that I had to get up early this morning (and so get Patrick up too) to take him to work. I have said, though that if he can't finish early he's going to have to get a taxi or bus back home as I can't keep Patrick up so long - Cory doesn't leave work until about 8.30pm. I've got no idea how we'll manage on Wednesday as I'm at work and I've got to get Patrick to nursery for 6.45 am. I can't moan about it too much to Cory because I know he's mega stressed with this bike and things starting to go wrong again. Cory's got his driving test on Thursday morning, so fingers crossed he passes so we can look for a cheap second hand car for him to run about in.

So this morning, I've been exhausted and Patrick has been really crabby and tired. After much crying Patrick finally went for an afternoon sleep so I'm hoping he'll wake up in a better mood. And I can't go out anywhere because I have to wait for the bike garage coming to collect Cory's bike!

Work's a bit strange at the moment. Our G grade (senior ward sister) has got a new job as a night matron, and our F Grade (junior sister) is off work at the moment with stress and depression. So we're pretty leaderless and it's left a bit of a power vacuum. Part of me finds it fascinating watching some members of staff maneouvering for power, but the biggest part of me doesn't like the subsequent atmosphere. Nobody's happy, people aren't working as a team and people are bitching and backstabbing each other. The rules on the ward are getting so dictatorial it's unbelievable. Really, really trying now to find another job. At this moment in time I think I'd take pretty much anything going.

Tomorrow I have my resus training day and I'm doing my IPR with the ward manager afterwards. I think I'm going to have to talk bluntly to her about what's going on. The nurse doing the off duty rota refuses to give up the task, even though I used to do it before going on mat leave, and other staff have said they would give it a go. If this nurse could actually do the rota it wouldn't be too bad but she's terrible at it. Staff are doing too many shifts in a row, mixed shifts during the week (i. e day shifts as well as night shifts), and for the second month running she has not got the off duty out on time. We're supposed to have four week notice of what we're working. Today I have no idea what I'm working next week and that's less than a week away. I don't know how they think we're supposed to organise our life outside work (and we do have one!).

I also feel a bit of a bad mum tonight as I haven't gone to Patrick's parents evening. Although as Cory pointed out he is only two! Still, I feel that it may be one of the things that you're supposed to do if you're a parent :)

I can't believe how long it's been since I've updated, so here goes!

• Finally, all the improvements on the house have been done. We have a nice garden and drive now to go along with the new kitchen. Just pleased to have my home back and not to be dealing with workmen all the time. We'll be paying for it for the next few years, but that's a whole different story!
• Definitely decided that I want to leave the hospital environment. I've worked on wards for 15 years, so I think I've done my time. I've applied for a job as a practice nurse in Wakefield - closing date was last Friday, and I haven't heard anything yet, so may  not have got an interview. I don't mind too much though, as I feel that I am at least being proactive about finding another job and not just complaining about it.
• Had 2 weeks annual leave, which didn't feel like a holiday at all due to works in the house which have now finished (see above). We drove down to Ramsgate last weekend on Friday and came back Sunday night. Nightmare journey both ways due to roadworks on the M1 and delays around the Dartford Tunnel. Had quite a nice time, and the weather was very nice down there. Spend the weekend at a friend's house and visited Canterbury on the Saturay, and the Spitfire Museum on the Sunday, which was fab,
• Was very grown up today and cooked Sunday lunch for us three, my brother and a friend. Had a great afternoon/evening. My brother bought along Guitar Hero and all the guitars/drums/microphone, etc which was good fun as I've never played it before. I don't own gaming consules other than a DS Lite and my PC.

Things that I'm pondering on at the moment are

• Swine flu jab - should I have it or not. I'm in two minds as I know they're really encouraging frontline staff to have the jab, but I don't know if I want to have it and the possible reaction afterwards. I've not had the flu jab for years even though they keep pushing it as I had it one year and then got a really severe cold afterwards due to the live vaccine that they use.
• On the otherhand I MUST get my Hepatitis B booster done, as I'm well overdue.
• I really need to change my lifestyle, but I'm having real difficulty motivating myself.

Things that I'm looking forward to

• Eddie Izzard at Sheffield Arena in 2-3 weeks time
• Finding a new job (I will do it!)
• A weeks annual leave at the end of November and we have both said that we will go on day trips as a family - no home improvements that week!
• Cory's driving test on 15 October - hopefully he'll pass and we can share the driving!

I went to see the lead diabetic nurse today for feedback from my two failed interviews. Apparently I don't show enough enthusiasm and dynamism. She said that they had candidates that when they came in blew them off their feet, so to speak., and that I needed to let my passion shine through. Now I actually thought that I was very enthusiastic for my second interview, I became very animated and enthusiastic. So I'm not entirely sure how to become this 'dynamic, passonate person' that I need to be. It's very frustrating as I apparently need to create an interview persona!

She also talked about getting some relevant diabetic experience and thinking out of the box. I've spent the last 15 years working in hospitals in acute medicine. What she said was that maybe it was time to think about leaving the acute side behind and focus on the chronic conditions by working in the community or as a practice nurse. It does make sense as if I want to be a diabetic nurse (and at the moment that's where my instinct is leading me), then I need to leave the acute side behind. As I said Cory, do I really want to be working on the wards as it is now or possibly worse when I'm in my 50s. The only thing that's held me back from practice nursing so far is that I'm not sure if the NHS pension still applies. The pension is a big reason why I'm still in the NHS as it's one of the best ones around and I don't want to lose it. I'm going to get in touch with a couple of friends who are practice nurses and get their take on things. Then the next stage is possibly sending CVs off to GP surgeries and see where that takes me.

Lots of food for thought.

I hadn't realised how much time had passed since I last posted. Lots of things have happened, most of them stressful which is why I haven't been posting regularly although I have been reading other people's posts. So in the last 2 months I have:-

• Had a new kitchen fitted
• Had the front garden completely stripped back and landscaped, with a new patio and paved area for Patrick to play
• Got a new(er) car after 6 weeks of stress and trauma
• Went for another job in the diabetic centre, this time as a Band 5 nurse and still didn't get the job :(
• Celebrated Patrick's 2nd birthday on Sunday just gone

It has been stressful having workmen in our house and garden for the last couple of months. And it's not over yet, the back garden is on it's way to being completely stripped out so it can be paved to make a proper driveway.

On the car front I originally wanted to get a Vauxhall Meriva from a Vauxhall dealership in Wakefield. It was 2004, still younger than my previous car which was 1999! They didn't have it on the forecourt though so they looked at their online network and found a nice diesel one in East Kilbride, Scotland. The car eventually came down (a good 4 days after it was supposed to), but there was a problem as the previous owner had left his private number plate on. He wanted it back so the log book/documentation had to go to the DVLA to get the original plate back on. Cue more wait. Than the DVLA sent the documents back to the previous owner in Scotland and not to the Scottish or Wakefield dealership. It got to almost 4 weeks with no sight of me getting the car so I cancelled the agreement. Got very stressed over it as I hate confrontation and was in tears on the phone. Thankfully, Cory took it off my shoulders and sorted it all out for me. End result was that I went to the Car People and got a very nice diesel Ford C-Max only made in 2007 and with only 10000 miles on the clock. Cost a little bit more but worth it as it's a much nicer (and newer!) car to drive. So in the end I was pleased that the Meriva fell through.

I was very disappointed that I didn't get the Band 5 job at the diabetic centre. It would have been perfect, only 24 hours a week Mon-Fri, in an area that I really want to work in, and away from the wards! I'm annoyed because I thought the interview went really well and I'm already a band 5 nurse so there's nothing that the job entails which I couldn't do. So it has to be something that I'm not doing right in interviews. I'm off to see the lead nurse there in a couple of weeks as she's on holiday at the moment to get some interview feedback.

I can't believe Patrick's 2. He's such a little boy now. Very independent minded and strong willed. I was a bit upset this year as all his little play mates were on holiday so it was a small family party. But I tell myself that he's too young to really notice and he was surrounded by lots of people who love him.

Happy birthday nellikins . Hope you have a lovely day.

Pinched from others

If there is one person or more on your friends list who makes your world a better place just because they exist and who you would not have met (in real life or not) without the internet, then post this same sentence in your journal

This isn't as serious as some of the lovely poems I've read, but my favourite poem is Spike Milligan's The ABC.

'The ABC'

'Twas midnight in the schoolroom
And every desk was shut
When suddenly from the alphabet
Was heard a loud "Tut-Tut!"

Said A to B, "I don't like C;
His manners are a lack.
For all I ever see of C
Is a semi-circular back!"

"I disagree," said D to B,
"I've never found C so.
From where I stand he seems to be
An uncompleted O."

C was vexed, "I'm much perplexed,
You criticise my shape.
I'm made like that, to help spell Cat
And Cow and Cool and Cape."

"He's right" said E; said F, "Whoopee!"
Said G, "'Ip, 'Ip, 'ooray!"
"You're dropping me," roared H to G.
"Don't do it please I pray."

"Out of my way," LL said to K.
"I'll make poor I look ILL."
To stop this stunt J stood in front,
And presto! ILL was JILL.

"U know," said V, "that W
Is twice the age of me.
For as a Roman V is five
I'm half as young as he."

X and Y yawned sleepily,
"Look at the time!" they said.
"Let's all get off to beddy byes."
They did, then "Z-z-z."

     -- Spike Milligan

My other favourite poem is Robert Frost's Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

'Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening'

Whose woods these are I think I know,
His house is in the village though.
He will not see me stopping here,
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer,
To stop without a farmhouse near,
Between the woods and frozen lake,
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake,
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep,
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

         -- Robert Frost

Difficult week this week. Patrick stayed at my mums last Saturday, and when he came back on Sunday she said that he'd been a little clingy and off his food. On Monday we were supposed to meet some friends for a picnic at Sandal Castle but when we got Patrick up in the morning he had a temperature of 40 degrees. He also had a couple of spots on his tummy. Fortunately Cory was off most of this week until today, so we cancelled nursery and Cory took him to the doctors on Tuesday morning where he diagnosed a severe throat infection ?tonsillitis and started him on some Penicillin V medicine for it. Patrick's hated the taste of the medicine so we've tried to make sure that medicine goes in the syringe and that Paracetamol and Ibuprofen go in spoon or sachets. He had started to refuse Paracetamol and Brufen which he normally takes fine as he was associating it with the medicine. It's been awful as we've had to basically restrain him and force the medicine down him as he just won't take it and he needs it. It's been heartbreaking though as he gets so distressed by it. Yesterday he was tons better - no temperature, starting to eat (which he hadn't done for 3-4 days) and starting to play with his toys again, so I was happy that he was getting better. Today though when I got him up I noticed loads of spots over his tummy and back, and he had a temperature again, so I phoned the doctors and luckily got the doctor who specialises in children. She was lovely and gave Patrick a good look over. She thinks the spots are a reaction to his infection, but to keep an eye on them as a couple of spots look like ???early chicken pox. She did say that he would be OK for nursery next week, but as he's got more spots which shows the infection's still around she said he needed a longer course of antibiotics. She's prescribed him Clarithromycin which is better as it's only 2.5ml twice daily (the other one was 5ml four times a day) and it tastes better! He's starting to eat a little bit more now which is good. He's still incredibly clingy at the moment though.

The other difficult thing was that I had to go to Occupational Health on Tuesday as I've had 5 epsiodes of sick in 12 months. I've had one day with a migraine, two episodes of D&V, one episode of cellulitis and the most recent episode when I was off sick with a pyrexia of 40 degrees. I'd heard that everybody else who had been had said how supportive they were. Well I must have got somebody different because her attitude was slightly dismissive, there was no empathy or compassion there at all. Very cold. The trust has a policy now that if you have more than four episodes of sick in a year you get referred to Occupational Health and you have to sign a form which says that you won't be off sick for 3 months - which is absolutely ludicrous as if you're ill then you're ill, you certainly don't plan it! I got away with 5 episode as one of the episodes of D&V was caught from the ward which was closed for it. She was asking me about my stresses and she told me that they have a counselling service if ever I needed it - she attitude certainly didn't encourage me to go that way in the future. One thing she did say, which is probably right is that I should get my headaches properly diagnosed by my GP, so it will look better for my sick record, so I need to do that. The silly thing about it is that now if I go off sick in the next 3 months I get hauled in front of a panel, and if it happens again then they can start disciplinary proceedings. So what you have now is lots of nurses and other staff coming to work poorly and spreading germs to other staff and poorly potentially immunocompromised patients. The other thing that annoyed me about her attitude was that I was feeling judged - the more I've thought about it since, the more annoyed I've become. She's sat in a lovely office away from all the stresses of working on a hospital ward - what right does she have to judge me?! Feel bit better for that now.

Fortunately, my interview date's been put back until June 4 so it gives me more time to prepare.

Shit. I've got through to the interviews for the diabetic nurse job after all. It involves a 10 minute powerpoint presentation. I thought I hadn't got through and it's put everything all on its head. Need to do some serious thinking now.

Happy birthday pim2005 . Hope you have a lovely day.

I'm going to try and update more frequently. It seems to have been ages since I last wrote anything. Well I applied for the diabetic job but haven't heard anything so I'm assuming I've not got through to the interview process, so that solved that dilemma! On the plus side at least now I have a better idea of the things they're wanting so I'll be able to work towards those things.

I've just come off two nights and I feel awful. It seems to be that every time I do nights at the moment, my immune system just gives up! I've got an awful throat and feel exhausted and my mind feels like it's wrapped up in cotton wool! I don't know why I've started to be like this - I used to do 7 nights on with no trouble at all! Maybe it's a sign of age ;)

Yesterday we went to my cousin Amy's 18th birthday party in Wetherby. I can't believe she's 18, I remember driving my aunt and Amy home from hospital when she was a newborn. It was nice seeing my family again, although I noticed (and Cory also noticed) there were undercurrents in parts. I think that comes from having such a large family - my mum is one of seven, and last time I counted I had 16 cousins (not counting cousin's children!), so I suppose it's to be expected that there are fractures every so often. We left at 8ish as Cory was driving back to Wakefield so I could have a couple of drinks, but as he's still a learner we had to go the non-motorway route which took a bit longer. We had taken Patrick with us and he was really well behaved, bless him. He finally got to bed at 9.15pm which considering he's normally in bed for 6.30pm was a bit of a treat for him! I don't think it hurts once in a while.

Can't believe how long it's been since I've updated! Life's been very hectic. So in bullet point form what's been happening:-

• Got a new carpet down courtesy of the insurance company so our house is starting to look a bit more organised!
• My ward manager has said she's happy with the revised shift pattern I've offered her - I've still put in a formal request for flexible working though, just in case!
• Cory's mum has got better from the pneumonia and is now back at work.
• My parents have come back from acruise in the Carribean which they've really enjoyed.
• Cory's driving is really coming on and should be putting in for his test soon.
• Work's been very bad and very good in equal measures!
• Patrick's now 19 month old and is starting with the terrible twos early!
• We're in the process of remortgaging and hopefully borrowing some money to improve the kitchen, garden and fascias. Fingers crossed that it goes through smoothly.
• Cory's critical care course finishes at the end of April so hopefully that will be another stress off him.
• Cory's still looking at going into management - he's getting very tired of shift work.

I'm a bit torn at the moment. A job has come up at the hospital for a Diabetic Nurse Specialist (Band 6). Now diabetes is my area that I really enjoy. I've done the ENB Diabetic course and have been diabetic link nurse for the ward for a number of years. On the pro side it would be a promotion in an area of nursing I'm really interested in and good at, the hours would be more "normal" - no more bank holidays or Christmases to work! On the anti side - it's a full time post which means I may not get to see my 'mum friends' as often as the moment (and they can be a real lifeline sometimes!), and at the moment I really enjoy working on the ward - we've got a really good, supportive team. I'm also enjoying looking after my alcoholic liver patients - it can be so rewarding when they get better and stay better. Also added to the mix is that I'm trying for another baby at the moment so I may be on maternity leave at some point!

I think what I'll probably do is send the application off (closing date is April 21) and worry about it if and when I get an interview date.

Happy birthday catmadbookworm ! Hope you're having a lovely day.

happy birthday catysworld . Hope you're having a lovely day.

Gacked from Carolynp

I could survive for 60 seconds chained to a bunk bed with a velociraptor